“jb bagair duppatay k bahar jae gi tu yehi hoga”
“usko ghar banana nai ata, ghar tu aurat hi banati hai”
“woh apni biwi ki zarooratain poori nai karsakta hoga”
These are the statements we hear daily. Unfortunately, our ears are so used to them that we fail to comprehend how wrong they are!! Blaming someone or something is one of the ways human mind tries to cope with the loss. More than often people tend to blame the victim for whatever tragedy befell on them. Victim blaming is not necessarily a direct attack it is usually performed subtly and unconsciously. Consequences of this blame game are grave…. it not only demotivates the victims, it gives the abuser a window to run away freely.
Without further ado, I want to address some very common social situations. Where we should help victim and punish the culprit. (even though we don’t)
WHEN A SPOUSE CHEATS.
If a spouse cheats on his/her partner, instead of calling out the cheater people start blaming the victim with:
“uski biwi usko khush nai rakhti hogi tabhi us ny dorsi par nazar dali”.
“woh apni biwi ko time nahi detta hoga.”
We have to stop this behaviour and realize that It is NOT his/her fault if his/her partner cheated. It is the A** hole cheater who lacked the basic sense of loyalty! His wife’s dressing, style, cooking or her husband’s job, earnings, personality has nothing NOTHING to do with his/her cheating ass. If you hear such incident again please do not start blaming the miserable person, instead try to teach that dishonest slime a lesson he/she will never forget.
WHEN A WOMAN IS CATCALLED.
This is the most common type of abuse a woman suffers. 95% of women have either been cat called or eve teased in public place, but they do not report because they know they will be blamed for it with sentences like :
“Kia zarorat hai bahar janay ki? aram sy ghar mai baitho!”
A girl should be able to go outside for work or fun without facing uncomfortable comments and stares. She is a free person, she is not breaking a law or hurting anyone then why oh why should she be the one to be stopped? why not the creep who made her and probably 100 of other girls uncomfortable? This toxic thinking can kill a girl’s confidence and boast the wrongdoer’s filthy moral. So if you ever see a pervert making nasty comments about a woman do not I REQUEST do not just mumble away blaming the victim instead take off your shoe and smack his face with it so hard that the next time he even thinks of cat calling the only thing he can recall is your shoe print.
WHEN A PERSON IS ABUSED
Abuse, physical and emotional, is very common is a Pakistani house hold. How often do we hear incidents where a father has beaten his son like a mad man because he failed his exam or a husband slapped his wife just because the roti was not hot enough!! How can we accept these behaviours?, But we have!!… infact we usually justify these acts blaming the one being abused.
“agar parhai kartay tu abba nai martay”
“agli bar khana garam daina ta k mian ko gusta na aye”
THIS IS NOT OKAY!! we have to stop the abuser!! The next time your son, father, husband or brother tries to harm someone please stop them tell them that this is inhumane and their aggression harms other person’s self respect and consequently their whole life!!
WHEN A PERSON IS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED:
80% of sexual assaults are not reported this percentile is alarmingly high, and the reason is just one “the victim fears that he/she will be blamed” (source: rainorg.com). It is not only females who face these assaults, as a matter of fact 1 in every 5 victim is a male. What scares me is that 90% of the times the predator is someone the victim knew and trusted(source: wikipedia). The social stigma associated with rape and sexual harassment is because the society thinks the victim “asked for it” i.e. blaming the victim. NO ONE EVER ASKS TO GET ASSAULTED! not the girl in mini skirt or in hijab or in shorts or in jeans…. to conclude, a person’s dressing has nothing to do with him/her being attacked actually it is the filthy mind that cannot control his animal instincts to be blamed!!
This (below) nonsense needs to be stop RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!
“assay kapray pehno gi tu yehi hoga”
“tum ny hi usnko signal dia hoga warna woh kyon karta woh aisa”
because her smile is NOT an invitation for assault. Let her be her and if you are not okay with it then blame your gaze not her dressing!
If you ever happen to come across a survivor please do not start blaming instead comfort him/her tell them it’s not his/her fault, then hunt down that scum bag and stone him to death!
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