Stage 1: It’s a girl
In foreign countries when someone visits a newborn baby girl he/she congratulates the parents and then leave, but In Pakistan people not only greet, they also add on some extra (unnecessary) advices too… like:
“Allahhh isko acha sa Dulha mil jae bus”
“isko ghar-dari sikhana ta k iskay achay rishtay ain”
“is k jahaiz ki tayyari abhi sy shuru kar do”
“jitna cash mil raha hai is ki shadi k lia bacha k rakhna”
Poor parents just have one response:
Stage # 2: Beti jawan hogai
The dear daughter who just turned 16, and who wants to conquer the world is told that the only place she should rule is kitchen. Her dream of being an independent, successful and strong woman is crushed.
Now all she will hear is:
“Parhai, shadi k baad”
“Make-up, shadi k baad”
“Ghoomna phirna, shadi k baad”
“Saree, shadi k baad pehnna”
“SAAS BHI SHADI K BAAD LAINA”
Stage # 3: Call the rishtay wali aunty
Here comes someone who has memorized the bio data aka kartoot of every girl and guy in every muhalla. Her aim is to earn some bucks and eat lots of samosas. She honestly gives a rat’s ass about the rishta actually.
Stage # 4: The meet ups
After burping down dozens of samosas with chai, and jalebi, Rishta aunty finally finds someone “suitable” for the 16 years old kid (Yes a 16 years old is a kid!).
This stage starts with detail examination of specimen (girl) by the MOMMY of guy. First, she will check the anatomy i.e the height, weight, colour of skin, eyes and hair and the length oh hair after all she wants a gore chitti, lambi, bhoori aakhon wali hoor pari for her “ladla baita”. Then, she will judge “character” based on her gol rotis, chai making, cooking and sewing skills oh and she should have Jahan piya what mai mentality (people who know and follows bajjia’s cooking facebook page know what I mean with this phrase). At this point girl’s academic, sports and all other achievements are as ignored as elaichi in a biryani.
The meet ups an will continue for a decade, during this period Guy’s family will check, rate and examine other potential candidates as well. The guy has little to no say at all because Mommy knows what is best for him. He will get to know the girl may be after a child or two or may be when they are old and all of his friends are dead, but for now he needs to know nothing at all.
Stage 5: The negotiation
After the khala, mama, phupho, dadi, nani and all other relatives have interviewed and judged the girl this process reaches on financial term. Jahez… no no the larki walay don’t expect anything tuaba tuaba its just the khandani tradition to give future mother in law gold set, sister in laws diamond rings, a new home, car and some handy cash for the couple. Agar larki khali hath aye gi tu log kia kahain gy?
Stage 6: The verdict
The larki walay have to agree on the “terms” because well age beti ko such dia nahi tu log kia kahain gy…. But the larkay walay have not called back and are not reciving their calls. Finally, after ages they call and say “Istekharay mai mana aya hai” what they actually mean is that they do not want to proceed, but they are awal darjay k zaleel to admit it and apologize.
The NO could be cause of many reasons like:
larki was not smiling when she served the tea.
they found another potential candidate with a better family (read better bank account).
mommy realized that she is just not ready to cut the cord of her baby boy.
(no words needed)
Please parents, educate your girls, let them flourish, let them find them selves, let them be their own person. Shadi is NOT everything!!
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